The Hands and Feet of Jesus

Probably one of my favorite parts of this trip was working at the baby home.  We were able to go and volunteer here almost everyday, sometimes twice a day.  The first day we went in the morning.  The babies were just getting up so we got them out of their cribs and then into the room where they would have their baths.  We stripped them out of their sopping wet clothes and then handed them to one of the "mommas" to bathe.  We then took them into another room where we got them dressed.  There was just a huge pile of clothes to choose from, girl and boy clothes.  I had noticed already that boys wore girls clothes and vice versa.  They all had shaved heads so you never really knew (unless you changed a diaper!) what sex they were.  I painstakingly stood there with my first baby, trying desperately to find a cute girly outfit for her.  One of the mommas finally laughed at me and told me I was taking too long!! Oh yeah, there are about 12 other babies waiting to get dressed!! Sigh....into a t-shirt with a truck on it she went.....

The first of many heart wrenching moments for me....no time to splash and play in the bath, no time to lovingly rub lotion on them, no time to stare into their beautiful eyes and tell them that someone loves them, someone cares for them!  The mommas truly did the best they could with so many babies, but how sad that these babies don't have their own special momma to do these things for them! My heart ached.

And then, there was Alinda.  I noticed her right away while she waited in her crib for someone to retrieve her.  I went over and started playing with her while I waited to get her changed and bathed

Here we were that day.....

I asked one of the mommas what her name was, I thought at first they said "Linda", which happens to have been Bruce's sweet mom's name.  It is providential! I thought. She is meant to be our daughter!! Turns out her name was Alinda, but anyway..... Well, Dwight, our team leader had already warned me...."don't fall in love with any of these babies.  You will have your heart broken."  It was too late though!! This one had my heart in pieces!!

Come to find out a couple of days later, she actually was most likely headed to a foster home with her older brother, hopefully soon.  Ok, that made my heart feel better.  I was still able to love on her the remainder of our time in Uganda.  I kissed those cheeks as many times as I could until the last day!! Isn't she so scrumptious???

Each day that we worked at the baby home had me wrecked.  Really, they do the best they can and for the most part the babies are well cared for, but certainly not to our standards! I wish I had a picture of the long high chair that the babies that could sit up to about 18 months ate in.  It was just a long wooden high chair that could fit about 8 or so babies.  Someone then just went down the line with a spoon feeding them all their porridge!! Yes, they were getting food, but no little airplane noises into their mouths! 

In the afternoons the babies would be outside, under a veranda.  They had mats out and the babies would be laying around on them playing.  We would sit down and inevitably three or more babies would start crawling all over you.  Some days I would sing and they loved it! I would sing "Jesus loves you" and they just ate it up!! Dwight would tell us that every baby we touched, think of them as being touched by the very hand of Jesus.  We were truly being the hands and feet of Jesus!! This was so incredible! This made all those hard feelings of what these babies DIDN'T have that much easier to handle.  I thought about what we WERE giving them, if only for a moment.  Every baby I held, I whispered, "I love you", "You are important" , "You are loved by God".  Every touch, every word mattered to them, if only for this  moment!! Someday, (soon, I hope) many of these sweet babies WILL have a family to love them.  Until then, our little team of crazy Americans were able to show them God's love.......

Read more...

The Adventure Begins

This story would not be complete without beginning with December 31, the day that we received the phone call from Emma from the Chicago airport telling us that they were not going to allow her to travel because her passport expires in just five months.  Apparently there are some countries that your passport must be good for at least six months from the date of travel.  I was dumbfounded. What did this mean for our trip?? As I spoke to Sara, the other mom that Emma was travelling with, things seemed more and more grim.  hey tried calling the Uganda consulate, that turned up a no, tried to see if someone else could take her to get it, that was a no.  Although there was a passport office there in Chicago that could potentially process a passport quickly, they were saying that BOTH of us needed to be present in order to do this. How on earth would Bruce and I get to Chicago that quickly? What would happen with Emma's ticket?  We finally decided that Emma would return to the Hintz home with Greg and the rest of the kids and Sara, Louis and Caleb would travel on without her. The airline graciously changed her ticket so that she could fly out (Lord willing) on Friday with Logan and I, for NO CHARGE!! (this is the first God moment in this story, by the way)

I quickly got on the phone to the passport office while Bruce got on with the airline to get Logan and I to Chicago pronto. We did find out that since she was 16, only one parent needed to be present.  After many transfers etc. I was told that there were no available appointments for Thursday, January 2 and that we would be put on a waiting list for if someone cancelled their appointment for that day.  "What??" I asked. "What are the chances of someone actually calling to cancel their appointment?? " "Exactly, maam," the young boy on the other end of the phone stated, "not very good." At which point I began to desperately tell this government worker what we were planning on doing in Uganda...and didn't he realize how much money was at stake here?  Money that so many of our loved ones had so graciously given us so that we could go serve the orphans?? All this fell on deaf ears and I finally hung up and decided to pray instead that we would get a call back telling us we had an appointment.  In the meantime I tearfully called a few friends and asked them to pray fervently with me.  In just an hour (that seemed like 40 hours), I got a call from the passport office!! We now have been put onto a wait list and could show up on the 2nd! I asked the man if this meant that we would leave with a passport by the end of the day?? He said yes as long as you have all the necessary paperwork.  I wish I could have hugged this man through the phone!! Instead I told him he had just made my year and to have the happiest new year ever!!  I'm pretty sure he thought I was a crazy woman but I didn't care.

Logan and I got up at 4 am the next morning for our 6 am flight to Chicago.  We landed and it was snowing.  This is a very important piece of the story.  Greg Hintz picked us up at the airport and we went with him back to his house where Emma and his remaining 5 children were.  The snow continued and continued and continued throughout the day and into the evening.  Emma and I needed to get downtown Chicago the next day. I began to panic..what if we can't get into town? What if the office is closed due to snow? (I know, highly unlikely, but I am a west coast girl) We decided that the best way for us to get there would be to take the train in first thing in the morning.  I was excited for the adventure! The train into the city! A day in the city with my daughter!! And, a passport at the end of the day!  We were ready for anything!!

We awoke to the snow continuing to come down.  This did not deter us! We were on a mission now!! We bundled up as best we could, borrowing jackets and boots from the Hintz's and off we went to the train station! We got onto the train and chose a seat next to a young girl.  As we drove off, I began to chat with her.  I shared what we were doing in the city that day.  She told me that she had the same thing happen to her just months before and that she had gotten her passport in one day, no problem! And, she just so happened to work right across the street from the passport office!! Coincidence?? No way! GOD was all over this!!  She said, when we get off the train, just follow me. I will lead you to the office.  Now, anyone who knows me well knows that my sense of direction is not one of my stronger suits.  I am known to park my car and not have a clue what parking garage I parked it in.  I get lost in my own city.  You see though, God knew all this.  He knew that I needed this sweet girl to lead us to where we needed to go. I believe she was an angel, sent to Chicago that day just for us!!

We made it to the office, wet and cold from blowing snow but so excited to be there! We got in line and everything went flawlessly!  When we got to the window they told us to be back in three hours to get our PASSPORT!!! We could hardly believe it!  We went and explored the city as best we could with the weather conditions (and being the wimpy west coast girls that we are) and made it back to the office at around 1.  About an hour later, we had Emma Claire's passport in our hot little hands!!

Here she is jumping for joy!!! 

UGANDA HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!

More to come............

Read more...

Quiver Uganda Fundraiser Christmas Exchange

My two older kids and I are so excited to have the opportunity to travel to Uganda in January!  We will be going with International Voice of the Orphan... We will be working with the street kids and orphans and cannot wait to serve these kids!  We are trusting God to help us raise the majority of the funds needed to get us there.  This fundraiser will help us!

The theme of this exchange is "A Handmade Christmas" but it does not have to be handmade by you...

Every year I am in search of a great gift that I can make for all my close friends, neighbors, extended family members.. 

And that's the inspiration behind this exchange: an affordable handmade item that can be duplicated (by making it or ordering it) for an inexpensive gift.

Here's how it works:

Decide whether you want to make a Christmas gift yourself, or order it through Etsy or elsewhere (suggested spending for ordering is no more than $15).  You will sign up and give your minimum donation of $5 (instructions below).  You will be randomly matched with another participant and mailing them your handmade or ordered gift.  Someone else will receive your name and you will receive a lovely gift from them.  By November 30th, you must have your ordered or handmade gift in the mail (with instructions if handmade, or link to where you bought it if ordered).

So here are the two options:

M A K E  I T  Y O U R S E L F 

Make something that you think your receiver could duplicate, and include simple instructions for duplication.  Here is an example from Pinterest:

















Like these handmade coasters made with tiles and paper.

Not crafty?  No problem!


O R D E R  I T  Y O U R S E L F 

Order a handmade item that your receiver could also order, and include the information on why you chose this item and where they can purchase it themselves.  Here is an example of one from etsy.  I would suggest that you spend $8-15.  This is $15.  If you plan to choose this option, just be sure you order quickly so you make sure you get it in time to mail it to your partner.

This is a sign for $15 on Etsy here. 

I have a Pinterest board to help you get started brainstorming.  Find it HERE.

PLEASE ONLY SIGN UP IF YOU PROMISE THAT YOU WILL PARTICIPATE AND GET YOUR PACKAGE OUT ON TIME.

You have three weeks for this exchange, so there is no excuse for getting it out late.  If you sign up send your package out and send it out on time.  It's that simple.

Still interested?  Great!  Here are the details.

I M P O R T A N T  D E T A I L S :

Ready to sign up?  Hold on, there's more!

I would love for you to share this Christmas Exchange Fundraiser on Facebook or Instagram to help spread the word! You'll be entered in a giveaway for every share until the sign up deadline.  The giveaway will end on November 6th.

Want to know what you could win?

A fabulous turban from the lovely Etsy shop, Bakytgul!

To enter yourself in the giveaway, simply share this link on Facebook and tag 3 people.  (To share on Instagram, grab the details photo and link and tag 3 people).  For every day you share, you'll be entered in the drawing again.  Make sure to leave a link to your Facebook in your sign up, or hashtag #QuiverChristmasExchange if on Instagram.

Ready to sign up?!

I N S T R U C T I O N S

1. Click Here to sign up (instructions inside)

2. Start thinking about what you're going to make or order.  You'll be matched with your partner by... 

3. Please make sure you mail it out on the deadline day to make sure your partner receives it in time.  

**Note** If you would like to sign up for more than one exchange item, please make a note on your sign up.  Be aware that it is $5 per sign up, however, you may pay for it as one payment when making your donation.

Thank you for your participation, and have fun!!!

Read more...

Dear Roxy

I received a nasty comment on my blog last week.  It was a difficult week for our family to begin with and then I received this.  At first I chose to make my blog private, but I have decided to address my new friend openly here.  She may or may not see this, but I hope it is a learning experience for anyone else who chooses to read it.

Dear Roxy,
I have been debating in my mind whether or not to respond to your very unkind remarks made on my blog this week.  After praying through my emotions over it this week, I have decided to respond.

First of all, you it seems that you have some strong feelings toward adoption and foster care.  I do not know where those came from, but I am sorry if you have been hurt by either one of these in your past.

Let me begin addressing your concerns.  First off, you reprimand me for calling the mother of this child the "birth mom".  In adoption circles, this is very common.  In fact, the agencies refer to them this way, as well as the majority of the birth moms themselves, so this does not appear to be offensive.  I am a birth mom to my biological children.  It is just a fact of birthing children that you earn this title.

Secondly, you address the fundraising issue.  I know this can be controversial but in our circle, it is very common.  I am not sure what faith you are from, but in our Christian circle of friends, we take the biblical mandate to care for widows and orphans very seriously.  "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world...James 1:27  No, not all are called to adopt, but we feel that as Christians, we are all called to care for the orphans in any way we can.  If we do not feel called to bring them into our home, then we ARE called to either relieve the financial burden for those who do, or help them in any other tangible way we can.  This is just the reality of where we live.  We have come alongside friends in the past to help them fundraise and I have to say if you have not done it, it is a very powerful thing.  You somehow feel like they are a part of your family as well and it is such a great thing when they come home to their forever family.

Without you knowing our circumstances, you really should not judge us on this.  Yes, having biological children is not cheap, but it is not necessary to come up with $20,000 or more up front to have them.  That is great that you felt led to save up that much so you could stay home for six months with your baby.  What a gift you gave your child.  But, not everyone must do that to have a biological child.  We CAN afford to care for more children, we just do not have this chunk of change lying around in our bank account right now and we are grateful that we have people in our lives who are willing to help us in this endeavor.  Again, I am sorry that this offended you, but again, it is such a norm in our lives that we do not think it is odd.  I wish that adoption was not as expensive as it is.  I wish that it was not cheaper to have an abortion than it is to adopt a baby.  But the reality is that it is expensive.  And I am grateful that the government sees fit to give the what you called (cushy tax credit...which, by the way you only get if you are under a certain income so if you happen to be "rich" you must front all the money yourself)

As far as my (what you seemed to think, flippant) comments about the foster care system...have you done foster care?? Have you had the government involved in your daily life? If not, then I plead with you to not judge on that either.  If you have and had a great experience with it, then good for you but in our case it was one of the most difficult things we have ever done.  We loved and cared for those children like they were our very own and we were treated very poorly by the very people who were there to protect us and the children.  It is unfortunate, but we are grateful that we had the opportunity to do it.

And lastly, your prayer that this mother chooses to parent or chooses another family to parent this child, shame on you.  Again, you do not know us.  How can you know that we are not the best family for this baby?

I pray for your heart, Roxy.  I pray that your eyes are somehow opened to the complexities that come with adoption and I pray that your judgements are kept to yourself next time you are tempted to hurt someone.

Your friend,
Kim

Read more...

The Journey Continues

This adoption journey is nothing short of crazy. Like crazy in the sense that some days you think to yourself, "are we really going to do this?"

And not because it is crazy to think about adding another child to our home. Because we have done that. We added two at once a few years back. Two foster kids that spent a summer with us. Adding them to the mix was not the crazy part. It was all the drama that came with them. The damaged family. The endless social workers, counselors, people coming into our lives. (oh yeah, and the baggage that they brought with them, but that is another post altogether:) We loved them deeply. They imprinted on our lives forever.

This is no different. We have had the privilege of getting to know our birth mom this time. With our last situation, the birth mom hardly grunted to me on the phone. It was painful. This time, it is so much different. She emails me every day. Without fail. She takes a bus to the library to use the computer and everyday around 11am my time, we send countless emails back and forth. She has shared her heart with me. It has been beautiful and painful all at once. Sometimes she is brutally honest about what she is feeling. That can be hard. But I am so grateful. I am so grateful for this time that I can get to know her. I think it will be a beautiful gift that I can give our son. To tell him things about his birth mom. That we got along great. That she is a delightful woman who loved him so much she chose to give him up. I cannot imagine what she must be feeling, but I know that I am so proud of her.

Tomorrow, she gets on a plane and comes here to give birth in just a few weeks. I have had the privilege of getting together some things to furnish her apartment here. Our Bible Study families have graciously helped us to do this. Sure, we could have just had the agency do this. But, I have to say that it has been an honor to prepare for her arrival. Some small token that we can give to her to make her stay more comfortable. Tomorrow we get to go put all of these items into her apartment and then we go to the airport and greet her with open arms. I can't wait.

Trust me, there are still unknowns. She still may decide to parent. There is fear that we have gotten too attached to her, to the baby. There is fear that we will lose more money in this whole thing. Just being honest...we have scrimped and saved to build our adoption fund. This has been a lean year for us financially, it is a reality and one that we can't help but think about.

But what keeps coming back to me is this: God chose us to get to know Kristi. We were presented to at least 15-20 birth moms through this process. Finally, we got the call. She chose us......God chose us to parent this little boy. We are so grateful and we look forward to these next weeks and this next step in our adoption journey. Please pray with us that we will continue to show love to our birth mom and for peace for all involved leading up to the birth of our sweet Titus.

Read more...

Matched...again and other ramblings about life

Ok so I am going to make a couple of people in my life really happy right about  now.  You know who you are and you can stop pestering me about updating my blog now.  :)


I have really been paralyzed in the last few months about writing about what all has happened in our lives in relation to adoption.  I have been processing it in my head in my heart and I think grown immensely through it all, but just have not been able to put it down on paper...until now.  


Until the clouds seem to have lifted a bit and we can see the sun in the distance.  I know we are not done yet.  There are many days left and anything can happen.  But we feel a sense of peace and that is all that matters right now.


We feel peace that the first adoption failed.  Absolute, undeniable peace.  Like not a second thought of "what if?" or "why not?"  Sure we had some of those moments along this bumpy last few months of waiting.  Of the seemingly endless "sorry but she picked another family." days.  Seriously there were some dark days for me.  Days where I was like, "why on earth are we doing this????"  But we kept going.  We knew that the Lord was whispering.."wait for him.  He will find you."  We knew that the Lord had a baby out there for us.  The waiting was just so hard.


We feel at peace about the situation that was thrown onto our laps here in town.  No regrets about an entire day on the phone trying to find lawyers to do a last minute adoption.  No regrets about spending our 19th anniversary at a bar, across from a birth mom who poured her heart out to us.  There were also no regrets about saying no to that situation, without really fully understanding why we were saying no, except that we felt the Lord telling us to do so.  We obeyed.  And then I said it. I said "I don't even care if it takes us six more months until we get matched.  This is not our baby."  And then............


The very next day I get this email from Mother Goose adoptions here in town.  It was a little cryptic and I had even forgotten that we had been asked to be presented to this birth mom.  She had presented us and the birth mom had a few questions for us.  REALLY? US??  And then, it was she wants to have a conference call with you this weekend.  So we had the call with her.  Some of my dearest friends were in the next room praying as we were away for a girls weekend at the time.  


And then, we waited. THREE DAYS we waited.  Then, we got the call that she chose us!! REALLY?  US?  I could not believe it. In fact, I would not let myself even get excited like I did the first time.  Both Bruce and I took a few days to digest it.  It in fact has taken him longer to get excited.  The thing about adoption is that you try so darned hard to protect your heart.  But the reality is you can't.  Your heart is so in from the get go.  Even before you are chosen you are dreaming about this baby and this birth mom.  It is the weirdest thing.  


My dear friend Cate always tells me "there is pain in adoption".  And boy is she right.  There is pain!! But, there is also joy.  


There is the joy of meeting this birth mom on the phone for the first time.  There is joy in the emails we now share daily.  She is sharing her life with me and I am doing the same.  It is sweet.  I love getting to know her so that someday I can tell this boy about his birth mom.  I can tell him how she selflessly gave of herself so he could have life.  There will be joy in March when we greet her in person as she arrives in Arizona to deliver the baby.  There will be joy when (we hope) she decides to allow us to parent this sweet boy.  We covet your prayers as we walk the next two months through this. 


Yes, this has been a rocky road.  But I have to say that I would not trade it for anything.

Read more...

help bring our son home!!

Pendants with a purpose

My Etsy Shop

Photography by Dawn Gregg

Handmade Blankets 

Paypal button on the sidebar.

Read more...

Matched

I can hardly believe that I am posting this already.  In fact, I have held off for a few weeks posting this because I just couldn't believe that we were already matched with a birth mom.  We just got all of our paperwork in about three weeks ago.  We asked to be presented to a birth mom that next week and were not chosen.

In the meantime though, I got a call from our wonderful consultant, Tracy at Christian Adoption Consultants (who I would highly recommend if you ever decide to do a domestic adoption!)  and she said that we had been matched with a birth mom in Kansas! We were shocked because we did not even know we were being presented!  God had a plan in this all along I think because I am not the best at waiting...now I am not totally sure that this was his reasoning though because I know that He doesn't always work that way, but I like to think that He gave me a little gift there. :)  After finding out a bit more info., we said YES and now we are ever so patiently (HA) waiting for November 11th to arrive so our little guy can come home!!

Now some of you may be wondering "why another boy? They have three of those!"  We just happen to think that we are really good at parenting boys.....not really, but really, we aren't sure.  We have always wanted to adopt and for some reason we have always pictured ourselves adopting a boy.  So there you have it.  And, yes, we did ask Emma if she wanted a sister and she replied, "no, I love having brothers!"  So there we go...and obviously God agreed because He found us a precious boy.  One that we cannot wait to meet.

We are having so much fun planning for this little guy.  His room is all ready.  I am registering...I mean who would have thought that at my age, I would be having a baby shower! eegads, too weird, but soo fun.  Baby things have changed so much since I gave birth.  I am a pretty simple girl and don't need alot of gadgets, but wow, it sure is fun to see what is out there!  I am having so much fun dreaming about having another little one around the house.  The kids (even the one that was reluctant at first about adoption) are so excited too.

We are praying for this sweet birth mom. What a hard task she has ahead of her.  We are so grateful to her for choosing life though.  For choosing to carry this gift.  This boy that we know will bring so much joy to our lives.

We would covet your prayers in the coming months.  That God would prepare us for this sweet gift.  That God would cover this birth mom with His grace.  That we would get our finances in order as this has been a tough year for us financially with Bruce's business issues.  We are not worried about that at all as we know that the Lord has brought us this far and He will carry us through till the end!  If you feel led to give to our adoption, you may do so at the right side of my blog via paypal.  We would appreciate it so very much.  Thanks for reading this and walking through this journey with us!

Read more...

Nesting

Ok so I never would have thought that when you adopt you nest like when you are pregnant!  I have been cleaning out closets this summer.  I have been making all the bedding for our new little boy.  I am dreaming of buying baby clothes, but just can't seem to go there yet.

It seems so strange to not know when he will arrive.  I mean, we really have to clue.  We are still waiting on that infamous home study.  It could be months before we are even matched with a birth mom.  And yet, I feel this need to prepare.  For what? For when? Who knows, but I feel the Lord prodding me to just get ready.

This next stage, not unlike all the stages in an adoption, is really unknown as to how long it will take.  We have several friends who have been matched very quickly with this agency.  I have also heard stories where it has taken much longer.  Only the Lord knows this.  I am trying to rest in this fact.  And the fact that He already knows our little boys' face.  How amazing is that?  He could be in his birth mama's womb right now.  I have already started praying for him, and her.

Such a different process than when you are pregnant and have a due date.  At least an inkling of when that little one will be placed in your arms.  But I have to say, I am enjoying the unknowns.  The excitement of waiting for the mail everyday, hoping this might be the day that home study comes.  The excitement of thinking of the day when that birth mom looks at our profile and says "these are the people I wish to have raise my son."  What a joy and an honor that will be for us to take on that task!

In the meantime, we wait...I continue to work on decorating his room.  Dreaming of the day I can start buying him clothes.

Tomorrow Bruce and I are off to Victoria, Canada for a little getaway.  He has work and I am tagging along.  I am so excited to have some time with him.  We are planning on eating some good food together and just exploring the city. And, I am hoping that when we return, that home study will be awaiting us in our mailbox so we can get onto the next step!!

Read more...

Pinetop and PROGRESS

Pinetop.  Peaceful.  No schedule.  Long walks.  Rain.  Good food.  Long talks about what is going on in the world.  Staring at the breeze in the trees.  No makeup.  Playing games.    Catching up with our friends who are like family.  


The Malouf cabin holds so many memories for us.  We have been coming up here since before we had kids.  Now we come each summer for one or two weeks with the kids.  The dads come up on the weekends.  It is such a respite for us from the busyness of our everyday lives.  We are so blessed by our time here and always leave refreshed and ready to tackle another school year.  


On another note, it appears that our adoption liscense is making progress! Our worker has informed me that our CPS clearance came back and our fingerprints are most likely already at the court!  Now we wait for the AC# to come and then she can submit our homestudy for the judge to put his stamp of approval on!!  I was so glad to hear that things are moving along!! Then, we begin the process of applying to agencies and wait for our baby!!  In the meantime, I am busy crocheting dishcloths.  :)


We had an unexpected blessing in the form of someone giving us a donation towards our adoption.  What a blessing.  It made me think that it truly is no mistake that our finances right now are not what they have been.  That this is really the Lord's plan for us to trust HIM for provision for the finances we need to adopt.  There was a time where it would have been no big deal. We would have had the money in our bank account to use for this.  Not this year. I think that He wants to show us that HE is in control.  HE is going to do this, not us.  It has been a hard thing for me, but I am seeing the beauty in allowing HIM to do this.  In the end, HE will get the glory and how much sweeter will this baby be, knowing that the LORD brings him home!!

Read more...