Ponderings

My friend Dawn had the greatest post on her blog today.  She was talking about defining "good".  How our idea of good is not necessarily God's idea of good.  God uses all kinds of situations to mold us to be more like Him.  That includes the hard, nasty ones that we tend to want to run from.

We have had a ton of these in the past year and a half.  It all began a year ago August when Bruce's mom passed away.  This was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to bear.  Even though I lost my mom 9 years ago to cancer, this one seemed even harder.  I think because it was one more blow.  This was my "last" mom. And now she was gone too.  Then in May the foster kids came.  They brought joy but they also brought hard times.  Attachment issues.  Grieving.   Neediness that I could hardly bear.  A feeling that I was alone.  No more "moms" to call on to cheer me on.  I had a real sense of being an orphan.  Maybe I related to these kids too much.  I don't know. I have not had time to really process where all of my emotions came from.  Then they left and that was so hard too.  We all had an emptiness that was hard to take.  Then came the fall and there were issues at work for Bruce.  Deep issues that are complicated because it is a family business.  There was more sadness.  More realizing that we are alone, no more family looking out for us, wanting what is best for us.  Instead there was greed, there was mistrust, there was selfishness.

Through all of this though, we have grown so much though.  We are slowly learning to accept the fact that GOD is all we need.  Our earthly families WILL let us down.  Our friends WILL let us down.  Our coworkers WILL let us down.  Our heavenly father will NEVER let us down.  This is starting to sink in for me.  It has been a painful process, but one that I am grateful for.  It is a process that I know is necessary, even though in my flesh I want it to go away.  I want things to be easy.  I want family to love me for who I am, faults and all.

Thanks Dawn, for opening my eyes anew to the idea of what is "good".  I need that reminder daily!!